How to Fight with your Husband

 

by Faith Reynolds 

Long Beach, California Pictured: 

The Ely Reynolds clan 

Do YOU FIGHT with your husband? Oh, I don't mean the screaming, yelling, slamming doors kind of fight. I'm ashing about the moments that some call disagreements, discussions, agreeing to disagree, or or silent treatments. I'll call these moments "fights." Let's be honest; all married couples have them periodically.

Amos 3:3, "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Can you picture the old-fashioned tree-legged race? If one participant walks "inside leg first" and the other walks "outside leg first," the are doomed to fail. If two people are going to walk togerther and see their relationship move forward in a positive way, they must agree.

1. Differences
My husband and I have “major” differences! I prefer crispy French  fries, and he likes them so limp that when he holds them up they practically faint  He loves to pile his chips high with chunky salsa  I prefer to “pretend to dip”—just barely touching my chips into the salsa juice  Did you know that some couples argue over insignificant differences like these? Probably the biggest difference that you will face in marriage is the difference between men and women  We process things differently.

2. Decisions
Too many shared decisions can cause "fights." If you are really looking to pick a fight with your husband, have him join you on your next grocery trip. Decide together on each item to buy. Good luck!

3. The Desire to be Right
James 4:1, "From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lust [desires] That war in your members? Some people will not let the argument end until they are declared right!

These three points may start a "fight," but if the "fight" continures, it is for one reason, and one reason only: PRIDE. Proverbs 13:10, "Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom."

Pride will not admit she's wrong. Pride demands her rights. Pride thinks she always has to be treated fairly. Pride thinks it's always the other person's fault. Pride causes all arguments, from the playground to marriage.

This year my husband Ely and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. As I reflect back on our ten years of "wedded bliss," I think learning how to "fight right" has been one of the most valuable lessons learned.

1. All marriage "fights" should have one goal: reconciliation
The goal is not to win the argument; it's not to get back at your spouse for hurting you: it's to be a close, loving couple once again. When the husband and wife have this goal very clearly in mind, they will choose their words carefully. For example: "Honey, when you said A this morning, I took it as meaning B. This is how it made me feel."

Compare these carefully chosen words with the following example: "You always treat me like dirt. I'll never understand you."

Accusing each other will drive a husband and wife farther apart, whereas giving each other the benefit of the doubt can draw them back together.

2. Only "fight" when you have time
Walking out the door or driving to church is not the time to have a full discussion. You may need to use the dreaded phrase "We need to talk" and plan a later time.

3. Examine your stat of mind
Are your hungry, tired, PMS-ing? Most would agree that it's foolish to try to reason with a child who is hungry or overly tired. It's also foolish to discuss things that irritate you when you are not at your physical or mental best. Simply because we are irritable does not give us the right to pick at our man. Remember, if you start listing his faults, he just might start listing yours!

4. Say your piece then listen to his
Don't vent all of your frustrations, only to storm out of the room without Listening to his. Sit down, look him in the eye (without glaring, please), and listen to him without interrupting.

Try to find something with which to agree. I'm sure there are all sorts of cute communication tips online, but nothing can beat the art of listening.

5. Empathize with your mate
Sometimes we only look at things from our point of view. We might think that we have a situation all worked out and can't understand why our husband is not on board with it. Have we considered what he went through that day? Why does he see the situation that way? What are his fears of reservations? Empathizing with our spouse will soften the "fight.:

6. If you are wrong, admit it
Sometimes we are actually (gulp) wrong. Admit it quickly, emphatically, and sincerely!

Psalms 133:1, Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! My wish is that every reader will apply at least one of the principles I have listed toward having a good and pleasant marriage.

From: Christian Womanhood Magazine November 2016